Friday Fodder – Self Acceptance

Ginny stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror. She had just finished her shower and was about to proceed to her locker at the YMCA where she would dress, collect her belongings, and begin her day in the outside world. She had recently made a decision to work on her self-image which, at this stage in her life, was no small feat.

The other task, which also seemed herculean, was to tackle yet another attempt to render her rather voluptuous body down to a reduced state of being. Into her 7th decade of life, Ginny had finally reached a place that had eluded her from a very young age.

The past seventy-odd years had netted her two husbands, several lovers, and a deep mistrust of most human beings, including herself. The safeguards she had developed to protect herself over the years eventually became instruments of destruction.

Alcohol was fun at first because it was a wonderful numbing substance that lubricated intimate rituals. However, it turned out to be a double-edged sword, leaving Ginny feeling worse than before. Food was always a comfort, but it too became another torture device. Years of yoyo dieting had left her body ravished and usually starved.

It was Ginny’s self-confidence that always took the biggest hit. Early in life, she accepted the programmed belief that she wasn’t really worth all that much. Years of repeating this erroneous thought form took their toll on Ginny’s mental, emotional, and physical health. Family patterns played out over and over in her relationships.

Yet, life does have a kind and gentle side. Time has a way of spreading a soothing balm of perspective across the canvas of experience when even almost unbearable emotional carnage has the opportunity to soften and heal.

Ginny gradually reached the conclusion that she really was worth looking after. Besides, if she did not take better care of herself, she may not be around for too much longer to even consider it. It was from this vantage point that Ginny took out a membership at the YMCA.

Having dropped forty-five kilos in the previous two years, Ginny felt the desire to increasingly move her body and even began to find much pleasure in doing so. Within the buoyancy of the swimming pool water, she was weightless. What would have been near impossible on land suddenly became almost effortless.

Ginny began to crave her workouts and found herself loving the routine of making her way to the pool when it opened in the morning. The routine became a delightful habit and she began to feel increasing positive effects on her mind and body, which then reflected out into her relationships. The only difficult part of the routine was her dilemma in the shower rooms…to go naked or not to go naked.

The problem was compounded by the fact that there was only one private shower room, and the wait for it was sometimes quite long. Yet, the shower stall was small and cramped, barely leaving enough space for her to turn around. Her angst over this dilemma caused some grief for Ginny.

She tried waiting until no one was in the open shower rooms. However, this solution was a hit-and-miss even on quiet days. She tried leaving her bathing suit on but, for various reasons, this also proved highly problematic. Eventually, she surrendered and simply decided to take her bathing suit off to shower openly in the buff.

She pretended that her body looked like it did on her first wedding day when she was in her early twenties. That approach sort of worked at first until she looked down at what she was lathering.

She became relentless in her determination to soldier on, and gradually, magically, a shift began to happen. Slowly but surely, Ginny became less embarrassed at the masses of flesh that loomed large when she steeled herself to glance down. She became aware that the other naked women did not seem horrified or even disgusted when they walked into the room to find her there in full naked glory. Some even smiled at her as they performed their own ablutions.

Ginny began experimenting, testing herself in search of whatever comfort level she could find. She found it distracting to think of herself as an extraterrestrial, visiting Earth to observe humans so she could learn how to fit in unnoticed. She stealthily observed the other women as they showered. When they bent over and lathered, so did she.

She touched places on her body that rarely had felt the touch of her hand. She caressed, soaped and tenderly rinsed rolls and mounds that draped around her frame. And then one day a miracle happened; Ginny began falling in love with her body!

She walked naked with the other women as they visited, chatting about this and that. Drying their bodies, powdering their bodies, oiling their bodies, dressing their bodies. She began to feel the loving power of self-acceptance surge through her being as she became less and less ashamed of her body’s dimensions.

She never forgot that day, when she caught sight of an image in a mirror. She looked at what she thought was the reflection of a stranger entering the locker room. Ginny smiled and thought to herself ‘Oh, what a beautiful woman’. She was shocked when she took a second look, realising that the woman looking back, smiling at her, was in fact her!

Ginny knew that true healing had occurred for her the day she picked up a survey at the counter on her way home. The YMCA was planning renovations and wanted feedback from the members. One of the questions regarded renovating the bathrooms. It asked if people would like to see more private shower rooms installed.

Ginny paused for a moment, grinned, and carefully wrote in bold letters – “Fat Chance!”