If I asked you to name the things in your life that hold the most value, how long would it take for you to name yourself? If you do not understand how to appreciate yourself and your worth, how can you expect others to?
Here’s the thing: When your self-worth goes up, your net worth goes up with it. If you place a modest value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise the price. The key is to know who you are, and to be comfortable and confident in your own skin. No one else but you has control over this. We are talking a 100% inside job. The power is completely and ultimately in your hands. So, what would it take for you to look inside and change your valuation of you? It is only when you truly learn how much you’re worth, that you stop giving people discounts.
Self-worth is the value you place on your time, energy and effort in your own eyes. It means having your own back, being on your own team, and knowing what you will and will not accept. Your self-worth is not measured by the number of people who agree with you. As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster. People will come and go from your life. Have faith that you have the power to attract those who appreciate your gifts. Your self-worth determines if you can stay true to your purpose, even when others do not support you.
If someone were to receive a gift of a priceless gold statue, but they didn’t understand the value of it, would that make it any less valuable? What if they used it as a doorstop or tossed it in a junk draw or even called it a worthless piece of junk? Would that make it any less valuable or would these actions simply mean that the person had no idea how lucky they were?
You are the treasure. If someone doesn’t appreciate you and treat you well, it has nothing to do with your worth. It simply means that for some reason, they cannot see how lucky they are. However, unlike the statue, you can get up and walk away at any time you choose.
You are not bound by the past; that is who you used to be. Your feelings are not who you are, that is how you felt in the moment. Your bad choices defined you yesterday, but they are not who you are today. Your future doesn’t have to travel the same path with the same people. You can start over in any moment. You don’t have to justify your feelings or actions during a difficult time in your life. You don’t have to put up with people who are insecure and want you to fail. All you have to do is walk forward with a positive outlook, and trust that the universe has a plan that is much greater than the sorrow you left behind. The people of quality who are meant to be in your life won’t need you to explain the beauty of your heart. They already understand what being human is – a roller coaster ride of emotions during rainstorms and sunshine, sprinkled with moments when you can almost reach the stars!
You can be the most jaw-droppingly beautiful person in the world and everyone is mesmerised and weak-at-the-knees when they look at you. But, if you cannot see any of that, none of it matters. Every second you spend on doubting your worth, every moment you use to criticise yourself; is a second of your life wasted. It’s not like you have forever. You are here to live a life of meaningful purpose and leave this place better than the way you found it. Your moments are exponentially more precious than a priceless gold statue. Do not throw them away because you cannot see who you truly are.
When you look at yourself in a mirror and see yourself the way others perceive you, or think you should be, or what you should do, or how you should function, or where you should take your life, you are literally looking at yourself through a broken mirror. The fragmented pieces reflect back a monster image of you, and you’re trying to conform to that?
Knowing who you are and seeing yourself through your own eyes is looking into a clear mirror – it’s actually seeing the image of what you already know to be. If you want to improve your self-worth, stop giving other people the calculator.
The consequences of low self-worth can be huge. Depression, risky behaviour, the willingness to tolerate abusive treatment, and a nagging sense of failure to reach your own potential are all signs of it. Indeed, low self-worth is often the cause — not the effect — of hardships in your life, whether they are financial, relational, physical, and so on. When you lack self-worth, it’s as though the ground beneath you has been ripped away. You feel insecure and unstable with a nagging sense of underlying anxiety that taints everything like poison.
Low self-worth is like being a tree without roots. When the winds of existence come along in the form of people, relationships, and tough situations, you flounder, bend, and fall down. No matter where you go or what you do, you feel demoralised, debilitated, and insubstantial. While others appear to be vibrant, confident, and prosperous, you are like a tree after a huge storm that has had all its leaves ripped off. You may try to put on a mask, a tough facade to try and fool others. But deep down, you know it’s all a lie.
30 Warning Signs You’re Experiencing Low Self-Worth
- You struggle to set and maintain strong personal boundaries.
- You are a ‘people pleaser’.
- You find it hard to say “No” to people.
- You always put other’s needs above your own
- You suffer from nagging self-doubt
- You apologise – for everything.
- You allow others to mistreat you
- You struggle to believe that anyone could really truly love you
- You value other people’s opinions above your own
- You always feel a sense of anxiety and tension around others
- You are scared of sharing your authentic self with the world
- You settle for less in relationships and jobs thinking it’s ‘the best you can do’
- You claim that everything is ‘luck’.
- You’re cynical about the value of what you do
- You can’t accept compliments without feeling embarrassed or sceptical
- You buy things you don’t actually like
- You don’t know what your true needs are
- You hang out with people you don’t actually like
- You struggle to speak up and be assertive about your needs
- You check your phone for non-existent messages
- You tell really dumb ‘white’ lies
- You only measure your self-worth through outside influences (achievements, money etc.)
- You compare yourself to others
- You neglect your own needs
- You stopped striving for greater things
- You easily give in to arguments
- You cannot deal with criticism
- You are overcritical about others
- You depend on others for a decision
- You feel more depressed than happy
If you can identify with any of these warning signs, you are experiencing low self-worth. The more you can identify with, the lower your self-worth. Confronting isn’t it?
Imagine for a moment that literally everything you had was suddenly taken away from you, including your possessions, career, money, relationships, friendships, accomplishments, and anything else that is physical and tangible. What if all you had left was yourself? How would that make you feel? What would you actually have that would be of value?
This is an interesting scenario that many people probably never really take the time to imagine. Well done! This means you are already a step ahead. How you feel about yourself after everything has been taken away is essentially the measure of your self-worth. If you have a high level of self-worth, then having everything taken from you will not change who you are as a person. It also won’t shake your self-confidence because you do not only measure your value upon external circumstances. Instead, your value comes from within.
Join us for the rest of the Self-Worth Series where we explore how we develop low self-worth and provide you with proven, practical ways of raising your value in your own eyes, so you can stop driving through life with the handbrake on.
