Are you dealing with a complete coward? And if you are, why is that such a bad thing?
Weak people are treacherous. They are treacherous by definition – because they are weak.
We all have those times when we feel all our resolve turn to water. You want to be strong, but you give up. Your will-power deserts you and for a while you feel weak and helpless. Equally, you may be attracted to people who turn out to be selfish and weak. As within, so without. The world around you is a direct reflection of what’s going on inside you. What is it showing you?
One of the laws of life is that you rule or are ruled. So the question is: Are experiencing a momentary laps of determination or is this a pattern? Have you ever stopped to notice how often you make decisions based on fear?
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark;
the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
―
That 4 Letter F-Word
Fear-based decisions are made out of insecurity and a feeling of scarcity.
Say you stay in a bad relationship because you don’t want to be alone, or you don’t want to hurt some else, or because of money – perhaps the relationship offers you financial security. It’s safe.
Or say you stay in a job you hate because you don’t think you will get any other offers, or you’re afraid to put yourself out there but you rationalise it by telling yourself you are obligated to stay because they need you. It’s safe.
Fear-based decisions are mostly about giving our power away. We let other people make the decisions for us. We leave the decisions to our parents, our children, our partners, our companies, our managers, our clients, our governments. At least that way, if it all goes pear-shaped we’ll have someone else to blame! Then it’s not our fault and we won’t have to take responsibility for our decisions.
The worst part of fear-based decisions is when we feel we have no decision to make at all. We feel trapped. We feel there are no options. We settle for fear and we get comfortable with it without even realising.
So how do we spot a coward on the street (or in the mirror)?
Today’s coward may be dressed in a suit, speak a little too well, show the world that they can fit in and above all else, make sure that they don’t do anything outside-the-box for fear of upsetting people with who they really are.
“Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to the soul and a trait of a true coward. There is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle. However, everyone will at least know what you stood for—YOU.”
―
17 Signs You are dealing with a complete coward
Weak, wishy-washy, chickenhearted, dastardly, gutless, spineless, cowards are the worst!
1) They Fear Honesty
Cowards are the opposite of straight-forward. They beat around the bush, tell half-truths and whole lies. They live a life of smoke and mirrors, creating a false image to present to other people. This is typically so they can sit on an imaginary pedestal, towering over others. Deluded, they revel with their fake mask in their fake world.
2) They Avoid Strong People
Strong honest people will call a coward out on their BS. So cowards tend hide away from strong people so they can maintain a fake persona.
3) They Pretend They Don’t Know
Cowards pretend they don’t know what they actually do know. They pretend they don’t know about opportunities in order to avoid risk. They may even pretend they don’t know it’s time to move on from a person, situation or place. All of this pretending allows them to avoid pain and feel good in the short term, but it exacts a heavy price over time. There is always a price to be paid for necessary actions not taken.
4) They Frequently Take the Easy Way Out.
Cowards avoid taking bold, decisive action because it makes them uncomfortable. Then, they rationalise why they didn’t do what they really needed to do. It’s easier to avoid taking action (at least in the short term), and it’s also a sure path to mediocrity and stagnation.
5) They are a Magnet for Weakness
Cowards prey on people they think they can take advantage of. They will typically act super nice towards them at first and then bare their fangs later on as they start to extract favours like borrowing money and not returning it.
6) They Have “Shiny Ball” Syndrome.
Cowards choose not to say no to distractions because what they should be focusing on may be difficult, unpleasant, or anxiety producing. Anyone can stay busy. It takes real courage and fortitude to stay focused and on task. When you can’t achieve focus and manage the deluge of information that comes at us every day, you drown in the chaos.
7) They are Master Manipulators
Whether it’s emotional blackmail or flowery compliments, cowards bank on the fact that talk is cheap and use empty words to get their way. A brave person will take action, make shit happen and let their achievements speak for themselves, whereas cowards need to talk themselves up – they need words to show off.
8) They Do Not Apologise
Cowards have a hair line trigger to any criticism (real or imagined) and cannot be ‘wrong’, because if they were wrong – they’d have to take responsibility. Cowards fear punishment. They use all kinds of distractions to avoid taking responsibility and apologising, including adamantly and righteously denying any wrong-doing, or by creating abandonment threats to make the other person back down or take on the fault instead.
9) They Refuse to Balance Head and Heart
It takes both facts and intuition to analyse situations effectively. Cowards tend to stick to the analytical style they’re most comfortable with. Good decision-making requires both aspects of analysis—and that means the need to step outside of comfort zones when it’s time to make decisions.
10) They Minimise Your Feelings
When a coward hurts your feelings, you might calmly express that to them and ask them to stop. A coward will then laugh at, dismiss, or ridicule your feelings. “You’re too sensitive. You’re crazy. You’re hysterical. You have no sense of humour. Calm down!” The blame is no longer on them for misbehaving, instead the blame is on you for overreacting to their misbehaviour.
11) They Argue About the Argument
Every argument you have with a coward becomes a meta-discussion about the argument itself, rather than the point you’re actually trying to make. They pull you into pointless fights, mincing words and debating semantics in order to put you on the defence. Instead of discussing your legitimate concerns, they comment on your tone and accuse you of doing things that they, themselves, are doing (playing the victim, gas-lighting, projecting). The blame is no longer on them, it is now on you for the way you approached the argument.
12) Guilt Tripping and Pity Stories
If you’re prone to feeling sympathetic towards others, chances are they’ll go for this one a lot. If you point out something hurtful they have done, a coward will start talking about their abusive childhood or an evil ex. Before you know it, you’re comforting them, even though they hurt your feelings. After all, how can you be mad at someone when they open up to you about something so traumatic? (Psst: That’s the point).
13) They Hide Behind the “I’m not quite ready” Excuse.
Cowards spend too much time getting ready to be ready to get ready to almost get ready to be ready to get ready. Then they form a committee or a task force (which is simply a committee on steroids) to evaluate more and look into the situation more so that they can really be ready. Getting overly ready is a result of fear. Should you prepare? Of course! Do your research but don’t hide behind the “we aren’t quite ready” curtain.
14) Mental Clutter Keeps Them From Noticing.
The more they fear, the more a coward will try to do. The more they try to do, the more they have to think about. They have more meetings, more calls to make, more emails to read and send, and more commitments to obsess over. Once they actually let go of some of the fear, they can free up the time to do the things that truly inspire and invigorate them.
15) They are a Massive Drama Queen
Cowards use drama to distract others from the fact that they need to step up, apologise and take responsibility. Sympathy points are the coward currency and they want to make you pay.
16) They Constantly Blame Others.
Blaming someone else puts them in the position of a victim who is not in control. This is an energy-draining, counterproductive way of dealing with difficult circumstances. For the coward, it gets them off the hook, so they won’t have to take action to change the circumstances because it’s someone else’s problem.
17) They are Closed-Minded
Cowards only see information that agrees with their beliefs. As long as they don’t see other possibilities, they don’t have to take action.
“It’s often said that cowards make the best torturers. Cowards have good imaginations, imaginations that torment them with all the worst stuff of nightmare, all the horrors that could befall them. This provides an excellent arsenal when it comes to inflicting misery on others. They understand the fears of their victim better than the victim does himself.”
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So you’re dealing with a complete coward. What can you do?
When someone blame-shifts, there is an (understandable) temptation to explain yourself, defend your name, and prove your point. However, the problem is that this is exactly what a coward wants you to do. They blame-shift so you’ll react. They often accuse you of doing things that they themselves are doing and, because it’s so infuriating, you simply have to say something. And again, that’s exactly the point.
By sucking you into these arguments, they are consuming your energy and watching you progressively self-destruct, so they can use your reactions to prove their own points. (“Wow, look how bitter and angry you are!”). If you are dealing with a coward, you can walk away. In fact, calming stating you are no longer interested in playing this game, taking your bat and ball and leaving is the most powerful thing you can do.
If you are struggling with courage in decision-making, there is a quick go-to that might help you. In fear-based decisions, you feel it in your head – “I better do this…OR ELSE”. Instead of making a decision and putting your time and energy into what you need to do, you tend to put all of your energy into worrying. When you worry and ruminate over and over about ‘OMG what if I fail?!” you can become so afraid of failing that you end up doing nothing. You feel trapped, powerless and hopeless to improve your situation, when in reality, not making a decision – is also a decision.
“Just because we choose to do nothing doesn’t mean that
nothing will happen because we did nothing.”
―
How would your life be better if you made decisions based on love and not fear?
Love based decisions are about going after what we want. Love based decisions can often mean doing what’s right, even when it’s not popular. They’re about knowing and believing that we are good enough.
They are based on knowing (and accepting) that failing is not the end of the world. Making a love-based decision means we don’t fear failure because we know it’s part of life and, more importantly, a vital part of success.
Let’s face it decisions based on love/growth/change (however you look at it) can be hard. We often pick easy over hard, even when what’s in the hard column is what we really want.
The next time you make a big decision ask yourself – Is this LOVE or is it FEAR?
Is this what I truly want or am I just trying to keep certain people happy? Am I doing what’s in my heart or simply taking the easier option because I’m scared of the harder one?
Choosing love over fear takes practice. It takes awareness, courage, strength, and persistence. It takes all of the things you already have, and it will make this entire world a better place!
You can rise above anything when you choose LOVE over fear.
“You are being presented with a choice: evolve or remain. If you choose to remain unchanged, you will be presented with the same challenges, the same routine, the same storms, the same situations, until you learn from them, until you love yourself enough to say ‘no more,’ until you choose change. If you choose to evolve, you will connect with the strength within you, you will explore what lies outside the comfort zone, you will awaken to love, you will become, you will be. You have everything you need. Choose to evolve. Choose love.”
— Creig Crippen
