Once upon a time…
“Dante!” Cherry’s eyes filled with tears. She was standing outside his door with her red balloon in hand. Confusion welled up inside her. This was her seventh visit to his front door this week. Was he ever going to come out and play?
Inside Dante practiced his script about why they could no longer be friends. He had anticipated every line and what he would say in response. “Stupid girls! They always cry” he thought in defiance. He took a deep breath and opened the door. He knew she would say “How could you do this to me?” but unexpectedly, her eyes brighten and beam up at him.
She opens her mouth and says “I love you.”
The imaginary armour around Dante’s heart, reinforced with a thousand reasons and several “You shall not pass!” signs, shatters in an instant. The words of the script die on Dante’s tongue. He struggles to get them out – just a few words and he will be free – but they won’t come.
Then she sighs… just the faintest, softest release of breath. The sound sweeps through his chest like a hurricane with a force to topple giant trees. Dante’s mind races over the previous week and it suddenly dawns on him that it was a week of loneliness and emptiness – a week of feeling left out in the cold. That turmoil in his tummy, the pounding of his heart, that loss of appetite… The fear that he might get hurt and the belief that the risk is not worth the chance instantly evaporates.
Suddenly, he clasps her to him. Her warmth is everything. She was the book he couldn’t put down. Just being near her was invigorating. He can no longer fight it – Dante loves Cherry. His entire being is filled with feverish excitement for the brightest future. She feels like home. “I had it backwards” he thought “This is the true freedom I am seeking.”
“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love.
Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than
never having been in love.”
― Maya Angelou
Moral of the Story:
What you resist, persists. When someone was deeply hurt or abandoned as a child, they may be averse to becoming close to someone who may do the same. The fear reaction is to avoid relationships, thus avoiding the pain. However, the more you avoid the source of the fear, the more the fear increases. Much like the coil that is pushed down under pressure, when the pressure is released, the coil bounds back with great force and height – energy is expended and then accelerates. It’s the same principle as momentum, which requires resistance to build. Resistance is always a sign that you’re about to move ahead and with great force. Something as simple as changing old communication patterns and being open to a new way of interacting can break you out of the ego’s fear-based grip. Fear of commitment is craving freedom. It is freedom from an imperfect choice, freedom from a partner who may mistreat you or completely absorb you into themselves. So this fear can range from a little uncertainty to breaking into a cold sweat at the thought of committing to one person long-term.
Resistance is the ego’s interpretation of progress and growth, which is always happening despite its judgments about what is going on. Comfort and familiarity are subtle ego defenses. Your comfort zone becomes habitual to the mind (even if that zone is loneliness and cold, and not really that comfortable at all). Pure love can heal anything. It’s the opposite of the collapse of fantasy. It’s what happens when the illusion pales in comparison to the truth. Love is feeling the other person everywhere, under your skin, in every strand of your hair, in your heart, in your bones, in the tone of your voice when you say their name. Love isn’t always about being with the person, it is feeling that your world is better just because they lived. Even if you are not ever going to be together, they are the air you breathe, invisible but everywhere.
“Sometimes you break your heart in the right way – if you know what I mean.”
― Gregory David Roberts
Affirmation: I believe in true love and lifelong relationship.
I love who I am. I am charismatic, confident, and honest. I radiate confidence, courage, and happiness. I feel loved and cherished and I am worthy of love. I am loved and respected for who I am. I am awash with unconditional love. I am passionate, powerful, and full of affection. I am proud of myself. I have everything I need to be happy. I am irresistible and magnetic to people around me. I am worthy of love and affection. I deserve to receive lots of love and have long-lasting relationships. I attract love in abundance. My heart is always open to unconditional love. I am ready to give and receive love. I radiate love and this warmth envelops everyone around me. I feel totally blessed to have a wonderful, fun-loving, and caring partner. My relationships are based on trust and friendship. I am loved by those who know me. My life is overflowing with love.
“We don’t fall in love with people because they’re good people. We fall in love with people whose darkness we recognise. You can fall in love with a person for all of the right reasons, but that kind of love can still fall apart. But when you fall in love with a person because your monsters have found a home in them– that’s the kind of love that owns your skin and bones. Love, I am convinced, is found in the darkness. It is the candle in the night.”
― C. JoyBell C.