Once upon a time…
“Dante!” Cherry’s eyes filled with tears. She was standing outside his door with a red balloon in hand. Confusion welled up inside her as she recounted this was her seventh visit to his front door in as many days. Was he ever going to come out and play?
Inside, Dante practiced his script about why they could no longer be friends. He had anticipated every line and what he would say in response. “Stupid girls! They always cry” he thought in defiance. He took a deep breath and opened the door. He knew she would say “How could you do this to me?” but unexpectedly, her eyes brighten and beamed up at him.
Cherry opened her mouth and said, “I love you.”
The imaginary armour around Dante’s heart, reinforced with a thousand reasons and several “You shall not pass!” signs, shattered in an instant. The words of the script die instantly on Dante’s tongue. He struggled again to spit them out – just a few words and he will be free – but they would not come.
Then she sighs… just the faintest, softest release of breath. The sound sweeps through his chest like a hurricane with a force to topple giant trees. Dante’s mind races over the previous week and it suddenly dawns on him that it was a week of loneliness and emptiness – a week of feeling left out in the cold. That turmoil in his tummy, the pounding of his heart, that loss of appetite… The fear that he might get hurt and the belief that the risk is not worth the chance instantly evaporates.
Suddenly, he clasped her to him. Her warmth is everything. Just being near her was invigorating. She was the book he couldn’t put down. He could no longer fight it – Dante loves Cherry. His entire being is filled with feverish excitement for the brightest future. She simply feels like home. “I had it backwards,” he thought “This is the true freedom I am seeking.”
“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love.
Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than
never having been in love.”
― Maya Angelou
Moral of the Story:
What you resist, persists. When someone was deeply hurt or abandoned as a child, they may be averse to becoming close to another person later in life who may do the same. The fear reaction is to avoid relationships, thus avoiding the pain. However, the more you avoid the source of the fear, the more the fear increases. Much like the coil that is pushed down under pressure, when the pressure is released, the coil bounds back with great force and height – energy is expended and then accelerates. It’s the same principle as momentum, which requires resistance to build. Resistance is always a sign that you’re about to move ahead with great force. Something as simple as changing old communication patterns and being open to a new way of interacting can break you out of the ego’s fear-based grip. Fear of commitment is craving freedom. It is freedom from an imperfect choice, freedom from a partner who may mistreat you or completely absorb you into themselves. So this fear can range from a little uncertainty to breaking into a cold sweat at the thought of committing to one person long-term. Do not allow fear to keep you small and stuck.
Resistance is the ego’s interpretation of progress and growth, which is always happening despite its judgments about what is going on. Comfort and familiarity are subtle ego defenses. Your comfort zone becomes habitual to the mind (even if that zone is lonely and cold, and not really that comfortable at all). Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground where buildings rise, and the connections between atoms. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you are headed because true love is found where it is least expected: in detachment. Pure love can heal anything. It’s the opposite of the collapse of fantasy. It’s what happens when the illusion pales in comparison to the truth. Pure Love is feeling the other person everywhere, under your skin, in every strand of your hair, in your heart, in your bones, in the tone of your voice when you say their name. Love isn’t always about being with the person, it is feeling that your world is better simply because they lived. Even if you are not ever going to be together, they are the air you breathe, invisible yet everywhere.
“Sometimes you break your heart in the right way – if you know what I mean.”
― Gregory David Roberts
Affirmation: I believe in the Power of Pure Love
Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Nature’s love balances me and heals every single cell. Everywhere I look, I see love in action. I love and accept myself exactly as I am right now. I radiate confidence, courage, gentleness, and happiness. I wake each day feeling loved and cherished and I am worthy of love. I am loved and respected for who I am. I am awash with unconditional love. I am passionate, powerful, and full of affection. I am proud of myself. I have everything I need to be happy. I am irresistible and magnetic to people around me and I have excellent healthy boundaries. I am worthy of love and affection. I deserve to receive lots of love and have deep, long-lasting connections. I attract love in abundance. My heart is always open to unconditional love. I am ready to give and receive love. I radiate love and this warmth envelops everyone around me. I feel totally blessed to have wonderful, fun-loving, and caring connections. My relationships are based on honesty, respect, and friendship. I am loved by those who know me. My life is overflowing with love. Pure Love keeps me present, sovereign and free.
“We don’t fall in love with people because they’re good people. We fall in love with people whose darkness we recognise. You can fall in love with a person for all of the right reasons, but that kind of love can still fall apart. But when you fall in love with a person because your monsters have found a home in them– that’s the kind of love that owns your skin and bones. Love, I am convinced, is found in the darkness. It is the candle in the night.”
― C. JoyBell C.